Written by Ceci Graham

Concerts can be a wonderful experience when the band you love is playing your favorite song, there is an adrenaline rush that comes from surviving a mosh pit, and you’re experiencing all the energy of the people around you. Whether or not you got unlucky this time, are next to the crying preteen, or stuck next to the guy who has just got to get that girl’s number before the night is out, we’ve all been there. If you’ve never been to a show, call this your wake-up call. Here are 10 types of people you see at concerts.

The girl who has been in line since 5 am: Considering I happily am this psychopath let me tell you, we are BORED. Not to be confused with the group of preteens at the front of the line loudly blasting music for the band they are about to see, this is the girl who got there right before or shortly after. If you are stuck next to this girl at any point while you are in line or in the venue be prepared to be peppered with questions, or a deal with a lot of small talk. She will also have at least two portable chargers, blanket, and a possible snack on hand so she’s the one you should go to if you need anything.

The mother: Usually accompanied by her daughter, the mother is someone that you do not want to piss off. No, I am not talking about that girl you call your mom. This is her actual mother that will rip your face off if you mess with her, her child, or anyone that has befriended her that night. A fierce protector as well as a fan of the music playing, the mother is a fantastic ally to have in the pit.

The dude who really, really, really wants you to know he knew the band before they blew up: In between sets you can catch him yelling about how he thinks this band sucks now that they’ve gone “mainstream.” He will heckle said band during their set to play some of their older stuff. However, at the end of the day he will still be at the concert, standing next to you causing an endless amount of eye rolls. A word to the wise, tell him to hop off his soapbox before you get so annoyed you write about it on a blog months later.

The preteens: Also accompanied by the mother, these kids will make you want to throw them in the mosh pit for the rest of the night. This is the child that will sob for the rest of the night because they got pushed. Heaven forbid a crowd surfer come in their direction because the preteen will not help as it is very hard to try and carry a fully grown human by yourself. I recommend running in a different direction if you wind up next to them. They are going through that terrible cringe phase we all went through, doesn't mean we need to be a part of it.

The drunk guy: Either he pre-gamed before getting there and is now swaying next to you, or he took advantage of what the bar had to offer. Most likely smelling of way too many beers this guy (if it’s legal) is also smoking up a storm right next to you. While you’re trying to breathe through your mouth, you will be able to avoid the beer smell and probable lack of deodorant, this doesn't protect you from the contact high. These creatures are a ticking time bomb. You want to avoid them at all costs if you are near them during a set. Far too many of my friends get covered in another person’s vomit for lack of attempt to warn others.

The drunk girl: Unlike the stereotypical drunk guy, this girl is your new best friend. She might try to take your spot at the barricade, but she’s going to try and do it in the nicest way possible. Though she may be slurring her words, be nice to this girl. Make sure she gets some water in her before the night is over. For the most part, this girl is completely harmless and being stuck next to her is not the worst thing in the world.

The dude that is there… why?: This is the brick wall of a human that has stayed in one place the entire night. Arms crossed and a stone expression, no one can figure out why he’s there or if he’s enjoying himself. Maybe his girlfriend wanted him to come, maybe he’s there with friends, maybe he is secretly a robot sent to gather intel about the band playing. In all honesty, you will never know.

The person you met two hours ago and are now in love with and will never see again: Pretty similar to the girl that has been there since 5 am, this person is just social enough to get a good conversation going between sets. The likelihood of you ever actually seeing them again after the set is not likely, but you can always hold onto that ten-minute conversation you had with them. Did either of you ever exchange names or contact information? Absolutely not.

The crowd surfer: No I’m not talking about the traditional crowd surfers, these are fine. I’m talking about that person that you appear to have caught over ten times the last two songs. Eventually, security might ask them to stop but they are the better alternative to most of the people you will end up interacting with throughout the night. Hey, at least at this point they know what they are doing. If you help them crowd surf, chances are you made a new friend. 

The couple: While fully aware that this is two people, you may get confused that they are a single person. This is nothing against going to a concert for a date, but when you’re ignoring what is happening on the stage while making out, then consider probably retiring to the back. There is a place for PDA and then there is a place where you should just not. If you’re this person ask yourself, am I leaning against a wall while I’m doing this thing or is it another person? More often than not the couple kissing is leaned up against a stranger, making them terrible people to be next to during the remainder of your concert. It needs to be stopped, please.